The title makes this post sound potentially more interesting than it is. But I like the fact it sounds complicated, and I like making things more complicated than they are, so I'm just going to roll with it.
I've been finding it really hard to write a blog post recently. I was supposed to write it on Friday last week, but my great-grandad passed away, so I wasn't feeling particularly inspired. But I'm mainly going to put it down to my general laziness and complete lack of motivation. I don't know how many times I sat on my bed during the exam period, and quietly dreamed with a faint smile upon my face of the promised Utopia that just evaded my grasp, like a whisper of smoke. I spent hours searching my mind for the promises of freedom, and a safe haven free from stress and struggle. Yes, I dreamed of that legendary age that one has heard about during those moments fighting against the crushing waves of fear and past exam papers; I dreamed of... the summer holidays.
And now it's here, it kind of sucks.
Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the all-nighters sat at the dinner table drinking so much lukewarm coffee that I started to get heart palpitations, or the recurring meltdowns at home where I would question my existence, (thank you Baudrillard. Like my mind needed to be confused any more than it had already been...), as well as questioning my chosen degree. I don't miss those evenings surrounded by a sea of crumpled notes that seemed only to contain unintelligible doodles, (apart from the repetitious flowers, the games of hangman, and stick men attempting to kill themselves in a variety of different ways. These particular drawings occurred more frequently on my lecture notes regarding the aforementioned theorist Baudrillard. Again, thanks.) These notes did not seem to contain a lot of useful information, at least, useful to my degree. However, I have learnt to draw the perfect daisy. So I guess the year wasn't wasted after all.
I remember many times during the last year, particularly during exam period, when the singular question "Why?" was monotonously and repeatedly uttered.
I worry about myself sometimes.
But, no, I do not miss those times in the slightest. Nevertheless, I do miss the order and structure of my days, and without a timetable telling me where I need to be and what I need to be doing, I feel pretty lost. The glitz and glamour of summer holidays has quickly lost its appeal with me.
I'm sure Future Me will read this at some point and want to slap Present Me around the face for moaning about having too much spare time. Fortunately, due to a lack of time travel technology, the slapping-in-the-face by a future version of me is unlikely to occur, so I'm safe. For now. Although time travel would be so much fun... I really want a Tardis. Seriously, clever people out there, invent one!
But all is not lost! No! Future Me will love this. Or, you know, think I'm a geek... but I've decided to make some kind of list of things to do that resembles a kind of timetable, because basically if I don't make one, then I will waste my summer. Hopefully over the next few weeks I'll be able to demonstrate evidence of productivity. Watch this space. :)
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