A couple of days ago, I mentioned on this blog that in 2013 I am starting my own personal project called "The Beautiful Project". Here's a brief description of what it is, and why I am doing it:
What is "The Beautiful Project"?
"The Beautiful Project" is a 365 day project starting on 1st January 2013, where I will be striving to remember that in a world that sometimes looks bleak, there is something beautiful to be found around the corner (excuse the cliche!), in places that I may have previously overlooked.
(Nb. I know here that some people may argue that for those suffering in pain, or being abused, or dying, or starving, it may be difficult or impossible to see beauty in each of these situations. I obviously have no idea what it is like to be in those positions. I wouldn't even know how to imagine how those groups of people must be feeling, and in those circumstances, perhaps the concept of "beauty-as-something-just-around-the corner" might seem like an insulting joke. But those brothers and sisters we have scattered all over this world are the beauty. They are the beautiful. They are, in fact, one of my reasons for doing this; so I can remember to appreciate the different forms of beauty, in order for my worldly perspective and materialist views regarding definitions of beauty, to be transformed by God's grace. I already know that God has been changing my perspectives regarding this, but I want to continue to grow and learn. Also, during this next year, I hope to do some fundraising for different charities- for people in difficult circumstances- in regards to "The Beautiful Project", but more on that later in 2013!)
I will be uploading anything from pictures, thoughts, songs, and my general observations, as I strive to remind myself that we're surrounded by beauty every day, even if sometimes we don't notice it.
Why?
I'll also be challenging my perception of physical beauty, asking questions as to why those ideas exist, and why they are so easy to entertain in regards to how they are applied to others, and even to the self. Maybe I'll get an answer. Maybe not. That's okay though!
I realise that others may differ in their opinions on the things that I consider beautiful. That is perfectly fine!
During this year, I also hope to gain insight regarding the degree to which beauty is a subjective concept. I hope to learn from others about what they find beautiful, as I don't pretend to have all the answers. I also know that I will never have all the answers in regards to the definition of 'beautiful' (and also the definition of 'ugliness'), but I hope for a clearer perspective and appreciation of the world around me, not just a picturesque view of nature, but a revitalised thankfulness for the incredible people around me as well.
I'm as equally excited about this project as I am nervous. It's nerve-wracking exposing my flaws to anyone who reads this blog, especially as I feel like I am the only one in the world who might think this way, but at the same time I know I am not perfect (though perhaps proud at times), and I know that God still loves me, and I can't wait to challenge my complacency!
These verses have been really instrumental in the way in which I've started to think about others, and how I think about myself:
Psalm 139: 13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Have a great end to 2012, and God bless you in 2013!
Life has been so hectic recently! I haven't had the time to write a blog post at all, so here is a quick run down of the events in my life if you are interested:
- First term of third year = stress + too much work
- General craziness over my future.
I'm actually going to pause for a minute to explain what I mean. In October, or perhaps earlier, it dawned on me that in less than a year, my university career will be over for good- ignoring the whole PGCE thing which I'll get to in a minute- and that I will be faced with a huge amount of decisions regarding the path my life is going to take. Career-wise, I mean. I've wanted to be a teacher for a while, and so having sent off my applications for teaching at the beginning of the Autumn term, I thought that I could ignore the scary prospect of the future, and concentrate on my dissertation. Things did not go according to plan. Funding was scrapped, and suddenly, everything was out of my hands. I had no control over anything, and that was terrifying. But I prayed, and trusted in God, not knowing what could happen, and God has been good. He's opened doors that I never knew existed, and although I am living in the aftermath, still without a fixed career destination, I feel calm. I feel rested. It might sound weird to other people that I am trusting in a seemingly invisible, make-believe entity, or a psychological and social crutch I have developed to deal with my stress, and a few months ago I thought long and hard about the reality of God- more on that in the future- but I can't explain the peace and faith in God, concerning the way I feel in regards to the uncertainty of my life at the moment.
I do remind myself as much as I can that I am fortunate in regards to my health, my education, my family, my friends, my home, and my general comforts, which strikingly contrast those who, as I sit on my bed writing this, are starving, or homeless, or cold, or malnourished, or ill and dying, or those being mentally or physically abused; those in third world nations, and those who may live next door to you and me.
But at the same time, I do have the occasional freak out session, where I cry in my room/on my mum or dad, praying and eating chocolate.
This verse has been a comfort:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Anyway, back to general update....
- Christmas!
Wooooo!!! I love Christmas, and having a four and half month old kitten running around, jumping into piles of wrapping paper, was definitely one of the highlights. And Doctor Who, of course!
- Seeing friends.
I haven't seen that many to be honest, but it's been lovely seeing them!
In regards to 2013... I'm still torn between pessimism and optimism. There's more essays, dissertation deadlines, interviews, revision, exams, applications for jobs... but on the other hand, I have lots of exciting plans as well, like getting started on my story, a lovely long summer ahead, my 21st (!!!), and 'The Beautiful Project', which I hope to start on January 1st. I will explain in due course!!!!
Although I'm not a huge fan of New Year celebrations, and the hype it installs, I think 2013 will be interesting to say the least!
I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote a blog post, and
so much stuff has happened! But more on that in the next few weeks!! This is a
Mobilise themed blog post... so please stick around and have a read!
I first went to Mobilise in July 2011 when it was the little
sister of the Newfrontiers Leadership Conference in Brighton, but by the time
April 2012 had come around, Mobilise had spread its wings and had become a
stand alone conference of its own, and the results were fantastic!
As many people who know me well are aware, I came back from
Mobilise pumped and excited, and as a result, I wrote this article for Life
Church Hook which should provide an insight into the fun and action-packed
week!!
"Tom Shaw introduced the theme with
some scary statistics which made my mouth drop and stirred the hearts of the
1100 people in the room: 59% of churches in the UK have no people aged between
15 to 19 in their congregation. Then came another scary statistic: in the last
twenty years, there has been a 90% drop in the number of under twenties
attending church. Silence fell in the room as people began to process that
information, and from there, a deep desire to get on a purpose-driven mission
to serve Jesus began to grow.
Speakers including PJ Smyth,
Mike Betts, Adrian Holloway, Andrew Wilson, Stef Liston, and Joel Virgo, talked
about our role in mission in our daily lives, and the importance of mission and
the church. These talks were powerful, challenging, and so relevant! Examining
your motives and desires alongside your relationship with God is always a wake
up call!
The different seminar streams
covered topics such as leadership, our relationship with God, and finding God
in the Supernatural, and they were a great time to get equipped and encouraged
in our individual walks with God.
As well as more meetings,
there were new additions to the timetable such as the pub quiz, a gig night,
and Mobilise’s Got Talent, where people were given the opportunity to showcase
different talents. There was everything from singing to dancing, and stand up
comedy to a break dancing juggler(!) Mouths dropped and the crowd celebrated
the talents that God has blessed this generation of students and twenties with.
But, possibly the most talked about Mobilise event was speed dating. “Speed
dating?! Really?!” Yes. The event promoted new friendships and the opportunity
to meet new people you might never have been given the opportunity to meet
before, and for the people I know that went, that was certainly the case. But,
who knows, maybe next year we’ll hear a story about how a couple met at that
very event...!
I think if I had to sum up this
year’s Mobilise in a sentence... well, I couldn’t do it justice! All I know is
that I came back with such an excitement and buzz about being on mission for
Jesus. I know that God broke through in areas of my life and
set in motion old callings with a new perspective." (Courtesy of
Life Church Hook, May 2012 newsletter)
This year is even more action packed! We've moved toPontins Brean Sands Holiday Park, Somerset, and
Mobilise has been extended by an extra day, so we can have the afternoons off
to walk down to the beach, to try go-karting, or go swimming, or if you're like
me, catch up on sleep!
There are often about four reasons why people hold back from
booking in to an event- even if they really want to go.
1) Money- or a lack of!! It can be really hard to commit to paying £100,
especially when you're a student! (Although this is a problem for lots of us,
whether or not we are students!) Just the idea of that chunk of money
disappearing from your account can be scary when bills need to be paid and food
needs to be bought! But how about thinking like this: choose to see the money
you spend on booking into Mobilise as an investment. You are choosing to invest
the money, as well as setting aside time, to really dig deep into God's Word,
and build a relationship with Him. The seminars, and talks, and worship, and
relationship time with both God and others, is truly invaluable.
Also, deciding to sacrifice that money is a great reflection of
placing your trust in God; trusting that He WILL meet your needs, because He is
a gracious and compassionate Father that loves to bless you! Yes, YOU!
2) Time- Committing time can also be a scary idea. If you're
working, then getting the time off, can be tricky, especially if you have
really important deadlines or meetings, or even if you don't have many days of
holiday left, and you were hoping to save them up for a fabulous holiday
somewhere hot! I'm not going to pretend that I understand this crazy world of
work yet, (thank goodness, I can still just about live in my student bubble!),
but I'd really encourage you to pray about it with the same trust in God as you
have in Him regarding other things, including your finances. And don't be
afraid to ask for time off, just in case! God might surprise you and release
blessings you never thought possible. He's cool like that!
To students, the idea of going away in April can seem
really inconvenient with the prospect of exams looming around the
corner. You might be thinking, "I just have too much revision to
do!", "I have to hand in my dissertation!", or maybe,
"Easter is supposed to be a break. I just want to chill out and catch up
on all my tv programmes." I mention those because they are common
arguments people have with themselves, and also because all of them apply to
me! I have thought of ALL of these issues in the last few weeks! But I've
decided to dedicate this time to God; to getting to know Him better, growing in
my understanding of the Gospel, getting equipped spiritually, and learning more
about what it is to be a follower of Jesus.If I trust that God is in control of
everything, that He is victorious, and that He has plans for me that ARE GOOD,
I'm going to trust that I can set aside this time to worship Him, and build my
foundations on the truths of our fabulous God.
3) Travel arrangements- Sometimes I can worry about how I'm going to get
somewhere. I don't always have access to a car and so it's not always simple to
get from A to B. If you think that way too, don't let those thoughts hold you
back! Plus, there's a train station not that far away from the site! If lots of
us go, then I'm sure travel arrangements won't be a problem!
4) "I don't know who is going!" At this point, I haven't got a clue
who's going, but I'm still booking in. Mobilise was great last year for
building up relationships with people. Sometimes there might be people in your
flat who are from another church (although, they try to put you with people
from your church), but it was great getting to know these guys and building up
friendships.
And if none of that has convinced you to think about booking into Mobilise
2013, then check out this video! Hope to see you there!!!
If you're reading this then congratulations to you for remembering the name of this blog and your password.
Also, if you've become enslaved to a site known as Twitter, then remember the following:
1) Twitter is basically updating your Facebook status over and over again, though less satisfying because you only have 140 characters in which to air your thoughts, and then you have to cut down on grammar and spelling and basic punctuation, and we all know that makes you sad. (Aww, do you remember Facebook? The social networking site that used to be good before advertisers got hold of it and the designers of the site felt the need to keep changing every little thing, like making sure that if you were invited to an event you would get a notification every single time someone replied?)
2) You don't have to air EVERY single thought that pops into your head. In fact, please don't.
3) Delete your account, get off your backside, and do some work. (Also, if Future Me has acquired a Tumblr account- something Present Me does not yet have- DELETE IT AND STOP PROCRASTINATING!)
I know that you, Future Me, won't take into account any of the aforementioned points, but try and remember how useful Twitter can be in making valid points. Remember how it can be used to inform and discuss important and interesting topics, so stop tweeting about your sandwich.
Regards,
Present Me
With that in mind, earlier this week I suspended my subconscious mission (ok, I realise you can't directly tell your subconscious what to do, but you get the idea...) to tell the world about my eating habits, and I put my social networking accounts to use by interviewing a wonderfully talented singer/songwriter and a friend of mine, Lozi B, following her new release of her first album Lumino. In addition to conducting that interview, I've decided to put my Twitter and Facebook accounts to further good use by telling you, the reader, all about her. Here's all you need to know:
Hi Lozi! So, it's a bit of a cliche, but would you attach any particular genre to your music?
I wish I knew what box I fitted into! It would be so helpful in communicating to others what I sound like! That said, I also secretly enjoy the annoying hard-to-pin-down-ness. My faith usually comes into most of my songs because it's part of my identity. I'd say I fitted into mellow, chilled, quirky, worship, faith, love, acoustic, and simple. Whether my perceptions of my own music are correct or not, I'll leave for you to decide.
The name of your album Lumino is unusual. How did you come up with the name?
The name Lumino came from a love of languages. I like names and words that have meaning and I wanted a title that had depth and expressed something of my heart and faith. "Lumino" is latin for "light."
When you recorded your album, did you have a clear direction or theme that you wanted to incorporate into your music?
To be honest, there was no clarity and barely any organisation in writing the album beforehand! I wrote songs as I felt inspired over the past year or so, and only recently cobbled a selection together. That said, I did attempt to have some kind of theme, though your guess is as good as mine as to what that is!
I know that you enjoy spontaneously making music as well as writing songs that are more structured. Do you enjoy doing one more than the other?
I do! Winning by a mile is the "spontaneous" songwriting. I love the freedom I feel when I just play and see what comes out. It's not necessarily always clean and fault-free, but coming from a classical music background where structure and flawless performances are the norm, I relish the liberation and authenticity of the "made up songs."
Do you have any personal favourites among the variety of songs you have produced?
I initially didn't like it, but Buried Treasure has grown on me. Largely it was the ending pirate impression that I found cheesy and embarrassing! But I do like it now, and definitely enjoyed having fun! I also like Dove and Basically because they are love-faith songs to and about Jesus, and I love singing to Him,
Are you working on anything at the moment?
I've had a bit of a musical break, not intentionally, but I have recently come back from an inspirational weekend in Norfolk where I've been getting back into worship and musical expression of my heart. I'm feeling inspired again!
Without sounding like every cliched article ever written about a music artist, Lozi B's voice is hauntingly beautiful and loaded with emotion. Tracks like Buried Treasure intricately weaves fun and intrigue, and if you're anything like me, her album Lumino will give you goosebumps. It's always hard to write about music because somehow words can't always do it justice, but without sounding cheesy or corny or biased, Lozi's music somehow transcends words. She has a beautiful gift and it was a privilege to interview her. I hope I've done her justice and I hope you enjoy her music as much as I do. If you want to listen to her songs in full or download them, you can find them at http://lozib.bandcamp.com
She is playing this Saturday 22nd September at South Street Art Centre, Reading, at an event by Reading Family Church called Laughing with Tom. (link here) She also has a gig coming up in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire, on Friday 1st March at Octavia Cafe. For more information, check out her Facebook page!
16th September 2012.
No more Olympics/Paralympics.
Schools have resumed.
Christmas decorations are now on sale in some high street shops.
I guess I can safely say that the summer break has officially ended even though I don't start university for another 3 weeks or so.
It's been a great summer full of fun and madness at Newday, where I had the privilege of being one of the leaders who went with the youth from Reading Family Church, as well as a time of peaceful reflection and excited anticipation about the term ahead.
I honestly don't know how to put into words the experiences of this summer. Although I didn't go abroad or go on mission anywhere, I'm going to start the new term with a different perspective, and in particular, a fresh understanding of my relationship with God. Something has definitely changed. It all sounds so cryptic and teasing, but sometimes words have to fail us in order for a person to actually realise how precious and indescribable experiences can be. So that's where I am right now- a literature student unable to process words. That should make writing my dissertation fun.
Short blog post today. The next one will be longer and it is something I've been working on for a while.
If you are anything like me then you would have grown up with the stories of "Cinderella", "Sleeping Beauty", "Rapunzel", "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", "Little Red Riding Hood", and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" to name just a few. I'm not going to sit here and write about how I remember clearly how my mum or my dad would read those stories to me and how I would wish I could be a princess, hoping that Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet for, two reasons. Firstly, because that cliche really annoys me. But most importantly, my second reason is quite simply that I can't remember my mum and dad ever reading those stories to me when I was little. They might have done, but I can't say at the tender age of three or four I was particularly transfixed with the idea of being some wannabe princess, drugged up to the eyeballs by some creepy old evil stepmother figure, lying in a coffin as some random guy I barely knew felt the overwhelming desire to come and kiss me, oh, and then propose. At the age of three or four I think I was more concerned with eating, playing, sleeping, and throwing embarrassing tantrums. I'm not sure dating was high on my agenda.
However, whether I like it or not, I can't help but feel that the stories I heard when I was little have influenced the way that I think about my hopes and dreams and goals for the future. Here are a few things fairy tales have taught me:
1) Eating apples is damaging to your health. In fact, they will probably kill you. Especially if they are red.
2) Always make sure you have long hair, because you never know when you are going to have to make a quick escape.
3) If you are ever faced with a situation where you have to choose the best of three (for example, a bowl of porridge/a chair/a bed etc.) always go for the last option because you will be sure that it will be just right. It's scientifically proven you know!
4) If you stay out later than midnight then bad things will happen.
5) Never, ever go to the woods. Actually, avoid any areas where there is an abundance of green vegetation.
6) You cannot marry a man that does not fulfill all of these requirements:
i) He must own a sword
ii) He must own a castle
iii) He must be the heir to a kingdom
iv) He must know how to ride a horse
7) Always keep breadcrumbs in your pocket in case you get lost.
8) Always make sure you have an up to date photograph of any loved one with you at all times in case you suddenly forget what they look like and mistake a wild animal for a loved one.
9) Stay away from any machine involved in the manufacturing of textiles (i.e. a spindle). Comas may occur if you accidently injure yourself using the equipment (e.g. pricking your finger), On the plus side, with the help of those frequent television ads, you may be able to get free legal advice and compensation!
10) If you do fall into a coma, and all forms of medical expertise and scientific knowledge seem to fail, do not fear! A kiss from your true love is all that is required. Bet they didn't teach you that in medical school.
"One must watch the Olympics because one must partake in a sense of national pride."
"You should totally watch the Olympics because it is probably never going to be held in England again in your lifetime."
"Come on, watch the Olympics! It won't be on for another four years. You might as well."
These arguments have all been put to me in the run up to the London 2012 Olympics in response to a statement I made that I probably won't watch any of the Olympic events except the opening and closing ceremonies. And the gymnastics. Those gymnasts terrify me with the ease in which they fling from bar to bar, twisting and contorting their bodies into unnatural positions. But they look amazing.
So yeah, aside from that, I probably won't watch much of the Olympics, but good luck to Team GB!
I did watch the Opening Ceremony though. I had really low expectations after our presentation at the Beijing Olympics in 2008, and well, we generally suck at stuff like that. I love cheesy and corny, but there's a line of embarrassment that we tend to straddle every time we are at the forefront of the world stage.
But Mr Danny Boyle nailed it.
The ceremony had the perfect blend of sheep, Victorians quoting Shakespeare's The Tempest, flying trees and houses, James Bond jumping out of a helicopter with the "Queen" (although the Queen's cameo in a short video with James Bond was brilliant! The screencaps and gifs on Tumblr started pouring in seconds later), and Mr Bean. It was beautifully British. The literature segment with the nurses and doctors from Great Ormond Street was lovely; anyone that combine Peter Pan and Harry Potter with such an amazing cause definitely gets my approval. It surpassed my expectations and it was so wonderfully creative.
And then came the two hour long parade. That was great. For like half an hour. But when an hour goes past and you still haven't reached the letter "S", you start to lose interest, especially when the female commentator announcing all the countries is waaaaay too enthusiastic at 11pm.
I did learn some interesting facts along the way though. For example, apparently guinea pigs do not come from Guinea. (Yeah, that had my parents laughing for ages.) And the Cayman Islands have a pineapple and a turtle on their national flag! Win! Also, I'm pretty sure some of those countries were made up. Hey there Benin! I didn't realise you even existed...
Other highlights included the reveal of the Olympic cauldron which was incredible. I could mention other fun facts about the opening ceremony, but the chances are that you've probably seen it. And if you haven't, go see it!
204 countries all united under one roof, celebrating a united passion and time where we celebrate achievements and different cultures. It's just a shame we don't get to see that all the time...
P.S. Yes, I did take the time to draw the above picture on Paint.
A few weeks ago, I decided to tidy my bedroom. People that know me will know that I love having a tidy room, but I don't particularly relish the task of doing the tidying. My bedroom floor looked like something out of Saving Private Ryan; minus the dead bodies.
There were some perks though like finding random boxes of jewellery, discovering items of clothing that had fallen to the back of the chest of drawers which I'd forgotten owning (there's always something, right?), and diaries I had written in 2006 and 2007 where the biggest crisis I faced was waking up one morning and finding a spot on my face. First world problems for a teenager. Some of the stuff I found was great and brought back a lot of memories, but after about ten minutes of silent reminiscing and playing with gadgets, I was suddenly faced with the question: what do I do with all of it now? Some of it could be thrown away because it was broken, but what about the rest of it? Ok, so clothes could go to a charity chop. Ditto toys. Diaries? Definitely not!
As I carefully maneuvered my way through the "bedroom of doom", and jumped from one clear patch of carpet to the another, I realised I was a magpie. Not a literal magpie obviously. That would be a whole other blog post! But I had stored up all this stuff, stuff that had once been shiny, new and exciting, and I had completely forgotten about it. But I guess we all do that; we store away things that once held some measure of excitement or importance in our lives because we've grown out of them, or because it takes up too much space to have out all the time, or to keep it safe. I do all of those things. I mean, I have three or four boxes of Barbies and Polly Pockets stored away, because as fun and cool as they are, (they are) I'm not really at an age where I would consider playing with them all day, so it's best to keep them somewhere else. Unless a small child comes around, then it doesn't matter what age I am! (Side note: The designers of Polly Pockets in today's society seem to have crucially misunderstood the key concept of a Polly Pocket. Just saying.)
But there are certain things that I found that I had completely cast aside, simply because I had wanted a newer version of that product. Again, I am not saying that wanting upgrades is a bad thing. Without an upgraded SatNav I would still be lost somewhere in the Thames Valley. Nevertheless, every few months someone is saying (delete as appropriate) on the television/internet/radio, that a new (delete as appropriate) iPhone/iPod/iPad/Blackberry/Smart phone etc is being released, and that we, the consumer public, are in dire need of buying these products just so we can get new apps, faster internet access, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I am all for faster internet access. As the daughter of parents who only decided to upgrade to broadband this year after years of dial up (yes, you heard me, dial up), I support fast internet speeds and connectivity!
We are constantly being told to update and upgrade our lives for our personal benefit, and I understand people find it necessary for their jobs etc to be in hot pursuit of upgrades. But my main concern is the cultural attitude to upgrades. We (I use a generic "we" and "you". You might not do any of this!) can become so obsessed with getting the nice new and shiny accessory, you know the one I mean, the one we have to have. I have fallen into this trap too. If you read my first ever blog post, you'll see that I like internet shopping. A lot. Anyway, we listen to what we're being told that we have to own and we buy it, and it's fun and shiny. You discover that there is an app for everything. You want a farmyard animal to make a noise every time you hit a key on your phone? YAY, result! There's an app to sort you out! But then, once you've purchased every possible app you've ever wanted, it all gets a bit boring and predictable. It's lost the initial edge and appeal it used to have. So you go on the search for something that promises to be better. And you'll probably find it, because that's just the world that we live in.
I have definitely done this. I don't do this as much as I used to, but I most definitely fall into these consumer traps of being disposable with my purchases just because I have seen something newer and better. I don't do this with books though. I don't care if a Kindle is better value for money in the long run or lighter or easier to carry. I say no on principle. Ok, English geek rant over.
My point is, when something is not shiny and new anymore it gets forgotten about. Another example I can think of is charity appeals. Ok, so every few months there's a buzz about an important cause and we all sit up and pay attention. If it is deemed worthy and important enough, it spreads like the plague on Facebook with everyone "liking" and "sharing" links all over the place, celebrities "RT" (that's "retweet") links, and if it's really important it trends on Twitter. You know when it's important when it trends on Twitter. And it's like that for a week. Maybe two if enough people talk about it. But then it's gone. The cause that seemed to dominate everyone's statuses and "walls" falls silent. Someone might mention it again but then it's gone. People forget it, and then we sit patiently until the next campaign rears its head. The problem is the issues raised by some of these campaigns are not just one week long; they are persistent problems that happen 365 days of a year. I am not criticising anyone that "retweets" or "shares" links when these campaigns pop up. Definitely not. I have done my fair share of "retweeting" and "reposting" links. It just makes me sad that as quickly as we suddenly get passionate and angry about social injustice in the world, our attention can be quickly be peaked by news that some celebrity is getting divorced, or Justin Bieber has a new haircut.
It just makes you think.
I'm not writing this as a person who has never been guilty of doing any of this. I have definitely done this. But I want God to change my heart. I don't believe that if I pledge money and support to every charity in the world that I somehow can never be accused of being apathetic towards social problems and not caring. In fact I'm not sure how successful someone would be if they did just that- if someone devoted themselves to every cause out there. If I attempted that then I don't think I would be helping anyone. I wouldn't be able to get actively involved and actually help anyone, and I think there would be a danger that I would only be doing it to make myself feel good about what I was doing. Which would be proud and selfish. But I don't want to live with a disposable attitude to social issues, people, and relationships with the people in my life, and I think a culture that encourages this magpie attitude of hoarding up new and shiny things and then forgetting about them is dangerous and harmful, not just to the people that it directly affects, but to people's heart attitudes as well.
Because I missed out a Friday blog post a while back, I've decided to write an extra blog post this week, and it's basically a review of my favourite book at the moment: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.
I only discovered John Green at the end of last year when a friend introduced me to the world of YouTube vloggers, and told me about this book that one of these "vlogger people" (as I used to refer to them) was going to release. Now I have to admit that when I heard the words "young adult fiction", I inwardly groaned, because as an English Literature student and at the age of nineteen (as I was then), I had packed up all my young adult romance novels and placed them in a box under my bed. I wanted to read "intelligent and intellectual" novels. Basically no more teen romances. I was too old for such juvenilia- or so I thought. (Of course, I wasn't counting the hundreds of trashy adult romance novels that I acquired over that last year in attempts to reaffirm my belief in true love after a bad break up. That was therapeutic. Totally justifiable behaviour...) But I had come to the conclusion that young adult fiction had no place in my heart or on my bookshelf anymore. I was an adult. And if people in my seminars asked me what I had read that week, I could hardly tell them that I was reading books about teenagers in love; especially when I should have been reading something intellectual like Shakespeare... Which having said all of the above, basically consists of teenagers being in love (blah blah blah) Ha, Shakespeare, the Renaissance poet of love or one of the founders of the young adult fiction genre that has given us such "delights" like Twilight...? *Shakes fist at Shakespeare*
But that said, after listening to a reading of the two chapters online, I decided to put aside my prejudices about young adult fiction, and I pre-ordered The Fault in Our Stars. And I'm so glad I bought that book.
Without giving away any spoilers, (because people hate that when I do... you know, like accidently telling a close friend the end of a Harry Potter book before she's had the chance to even read the book... Yeah, I've never done that... *insert awkward cough*), the story follows the life of Hazel, a teenage girl diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her first person narrative is as equally witty and funny as it is tragic and sad, but the combination of tragedy and comedy make the experiences of the protagonist real and unforgettable.
I literally couldn't put this book down. Every time I laughed, a minute later I found myself crying. About a month ago, I wrote on here and on Twitter that you should read a book that breaks a little piece of your heart, and I also commented that those were the best books. They are the best books because they end up affecting you and changing you. That's why books are special; they not just a useful way of telling good stories, but they are also powerful devices that enable words to connect with the reader in unique ways.
That's why you should read a book that breaks a little bit of your heart. If it does that, then the novel has done it's job.
And this book, The Fault in Our Stars, has done just that. It's transcended the stereotypes of the young adult fiction genre, and it's definitely worth a read.
~ I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once. ~
Originally I was going to start off this post by commenting on how productive I've been this last week. I actually achieved something in the last week! Hurrah! So this post was going to be all optimistic and happy and positive, as I reflected on the week's events.
Originally I started this post yesterday.
I got distracted by shiny objects and I feel like I am falling back into the "Procrastination Hole of Doom." So I need to write and publish this blog post today, otherwise all my hard work (I say "hard work"...) of last week will have been for nothing.
I didn't post anything last week because my life was incredibly busy. On Friday, I volunteered to be an Open Day tour guide at my university, and I spent my entire day basically telling people where the toilets were, and trying to blissfully ignore the fact that the person asking me where the toilets were, was literally stood next to the sign that read "Toilets". No, it was fine. The day gave me an opportunity to discover things about myself, you know, like those reality television shows where the contestants leave saying they had learned things on their journey of self discovery. My Open Day tour guide expereince had taught me so much about myself. Lessons about life that I had previously overlooked or not understood. It was a gift really. I'm sure I will treasure the experience. For example, here's what I learned:
1) Smiling is exhausting. It really is. Having a fixed smile on your face for an entire day is really tiring. Anyone who has ever waited for what seems days to have their picture taken whilst trying to maintain a reasonably natural smile will understand this. 2) Standing in the same place for six hours really makes your feet hurt. Just standing. Not even walking. At least if I had been walking around all day I would have felt like my pain would have been worth it. At least I would have used some 3) I really hate that horrible drizzle-like fine rain. Especially when you are stood out in it for hours. And you're trying to remain upbeat and positive. 4) I now know where Foxhill is on campus. 5) You can study Zoology at the University of Reading. (Who knew?) 6) Telling people repeatedly where the toilets are is really as boring as it sounds. 7) Even though it was a long day of basically standing in the same place for the whole day, I would be willing to do it all over again. Because I need the money.
This week, however, has been rather more fun! I finally got the chance to meet up with some friends from university, and we spent a lovely day in London at the Natural History Museum and other tourist hot spots. Whenever I go to a museum and I see interactive exhibits, I regress into a child like state. EVERY BUTTON MUST BE PRESSED.
And then Thursday, amongst the initial panic of results day and the sigh of relief after passing, I got to spend the day with another friend. It's been a good week!
But I want my productivity to continue, and so throughout the dissertation planning and research, I've made a scrapbook of quotes that I like. (See above picture) They are either ones I have heard or read, or random thoughts that pop up during the day. My inner English geek loves the way that words can convey and communicate emotion and truth. They have the power to build or destroy. I'll probably write some cheesy blog post on this in the future, but for now that's all I'm writing on the subject.
Here's a video I found really helpful to encourage me to get off my bum and do stuff this summer, so if you're feeling like you're about to fall into the "Procrastination Hole of Doom", watch it!
The title makes this post sound potentially more interesting than it is. But I like the fact it sounds complicated, and I like making things more complicated than they are, so I'm just going to roll with it.
I've been finding it really hard to write a blog post recently. I was supposed to write it on Friday last week, but my great-grandad passed away, so I wasn't feeling particularly inspired. But I'm mainly going to put it down to my general laziness and complete lack of motivation. I don't know how many times I sat on my bed during the exam period, and quietly dreamed with a faint smile upon my face of the promised Utopia that just evaded my grasp, like a whisper of smoke. I spent hours searching my mind for the promises of freedom, and a safe haven free from stress and struggle. Yes, I dreamed of that legendary age that one has heard about during those moments fighting against the crushing waves of fear and past exam papers; I dreamed of... the summer holidays.
And now it's here, it kind of sucks.
Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the all-nighters sat at the dinner table drinking so much lukewarm coffee that I started to get heart palpitations, or the recurring meltdowns at home where I would question my existence, (thank you Baudrillard. Like my mind needed to be confused any more than it had already been...), as well as questioning my chosen degree. I don't miss those evenings surrounded by a sea of crumpled notes that seemed only to contain unintelligible doodles, (apart from the repetitious flowers, the games of hangman, and stick men attempting to kill themselves in a variety of different ways. These particular drawings occurred more frequently on my lecture notes regarding the aforementioned theorist Baudrillard. Again, thanks.) These notes did not seem to contain a lot of useful information, at least, useful to my degree. However, I have learnt to draw the perfect daisy. So I guess the year wasn't wasted after all.
I remember many times during the last year, particularly during exam period, when the singular question "Why?" was monotonously and repeatedly uttered.
I worry about myself sometimes.
But, no, I do not miss those times in the slightest. Nevertheless, I do miss the order and structure of my days, and without a timetable telling me where I need to be and what I need to be doing, I feel pretty lost. The glitz and glamour of summer holidays has quickly lost its appeal with me.
I'm sure Future Me will read this at some point and want to slap Present Me around the face for moaning about having too much spare time. Fortunately, due to a lack of time travel technology, the slapping-in-the-face by a future version of me is unlikely to occur, so I'm safe. For now. Although time travel would be so much fun... I really want a Tardis. Seriously, clever people out there, invent one!
But all is not lost! No! Future Me will love this. Or, you know, think I'm a geek... but I've decided to make some kind of list of things to do that resembles a kind of timetable, because basically if I don't make one, then I will waste my summer. Hopefully over the next few weeks I'll be able to demonstrate evidence of productivity. Watch this space. :)
... I really hope it wasn't. Because I'm not going to be particularly thrilled if that was the only burst of hot weather we get this season.
Please God, I would really love some more sunshine; not any of that irritating heat where you feel like you are actually being cooked, but you know, the kind of weather where you just wake up knowing that the day ahead is going to be good. That kind of sunshine.
This musician/YouTuber, Alex Day, who I follow wrote this summery song called "Good Morning Sunshine." Check it out. In my mind now it's only ever summer.
Since the end of my exams I have taken to the role of "Professional Procrastinator", I have actually started reading again. For fun. I know right? I had genuinely forgotten what reading for fun was like. There's something about when you are told to read that just makes you want to do anything but read. That's true for a lot of things I think. But it is really inconvenient when you are doing a degree in English Literature, and the majority of your degree is focused on reading. Suddenly push ups and sit ups seem like the best forms of entertainment in the world. And when that fails, there's always The Big Bang Theory and a stockpile of chocolate to ease the pain. Desperate times... But to be fair, I am hoping to compile a list of new, inventive ways to procrastinate for the future. Ideas are most welcome.
It's been such a long time since I chose the book that I wanted to read, and I'm determined to get through a list of twenty six books this summer. Which shouldn't be hard. These books have been on my shelf for months, if not years, and they deserve to be read. Which is why I rearranged my bookshelf this week in order of genre and then alphabetised the lot. I love being a geek.
A couple of days ago, I tweeted that a person should read book that breaks a little bit of their heart, and I completely stand by that statement. The best books you can read are the ones where you are engaged with the story and characters. There's probably more mushy, literary theory I could insert here about it, but I think you get it. And literary theory drives me mad. If I have to read another essay about how I am living in fake reality I will probably lose my mind.
One book that I would thoroughly recommend is The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I've read this three times so far, and each time I've basically cried my way through, and the book is equally funny and tragic, and it's the balance between the two that makes the novel so brilliant. So read it.
But if that isn't your thing, then I'm currently in the middle of The Hunger Games series, and those books are amazing too.
Truly though, read a book this summer that challenges you.
I honestly thought that this day would never come. During exam period, my concept of time just seems to go into flux. The repetitive cycle of exams every week just makes me think that it will never end. But, at the same time, I just keep on scrabbling away for more and more time to revise, and I was never able to find it. Frustrating. Personally I want a Tardis.
Oh well, the hell of exams is over! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping away, and I'm about to have ice cream and watch Season 1-7 of How I Met Your Mother- simply because I can.
Summer starts now.
I guess that means I'm basically a third year student.
Eek.
Like I said, time seems to flux; one minute you're a naive first year student, the next minute you seem to be about to embark on your final year at university.
But anyway, here's to summer 2012; it's going to be brilliant. Possibly because of all the sun and fun, but mainly because I can actually read books that I want to read. :)
P.S. Lots of love and prayers to anyone with exams still!
1) You start analysing adverts/films/tv programmes.
Semiotics has ruined my life. I can't look at an advert without trying to work out the hidden message behind every advert. It happens all the time.
2) You start quoting Shakespeare in normal conversations, and the person you're talking to just has this expression like, "What are you doing? Are you having a fit right now?" Also, when you find jokes in Shakespeare funny.
3) You walk into the library, notice old books, and spend ages just staring at them with your friend whilst you both comment on how old you think they are and how old books smell good.
This makes me sound crazy. I'm not crazy. I think...
4) You spend your entire lunch break discussing romantic heroes in books. Your friends say Mr Darcy, you think they're crazy. (I mean why would you say Mr Darcy?! He complains, he ignores Elizabeth Bennet, he's proud, he's waaaay to picky about his women, he's condescending, and yes, ok, so he helps the Bennet family out in the end and has some good reasons for his arrogant behaviour, but come on, let's face it, if you had to choose, it's Mr Tilney all the way!)
5) You begin to realise that you HATE reading what you've been told to read; reading becomes your all time least favourite thing to do. Everything is more exciting than reading a play where NOTHING happens. (People studying Samuel Beckett will appreciate this)
6) You start questioning your own existence... This stage is usually the result of seminar discussions where questions are asked "Who is the author?" I am the author okay. I AM!
7) You realise Sparknotes is probably the best internet site ever. Lecture notes, who needs them?
8) You realise that you can get away with not reading a text for your seminar, and can afford to blag it, but then it gets to exam time and you want to kick your stupid, naive, former self for deciding not to read it, because now you HAVE to read it in less than 3 days and you have NO IDEA what it is talking about!
9) You realise you spend more time in the library than outside. There should be beds in there for nap time. I'm just saying
10) You can relate to the following video in excruciating detail, AND find the English jokes both hilarious and yet oh-so-true:
(The following video does contain swearing. Just in case you don't like that kind of thing. It is minimal though!)
So, I had one of those inspiring moments today. You know that feeling where you feel really awake, energetic, and genuinely motivated? Yeah, I had that. Then I realised that staying in bed was a lot more appealing. Sleep will always win in a fight against revising Renaissance playwrights, and after having two solid days of exams, I figured that I am entitled to a day off from all things intellectual. But at least I made a list of things I had to do today. That's productive.
What I was supposed to do today:
- Be ready by 9 o'clock
- 9- 11 am: Make notes on The Spanish Tragedy
- 11- 1 pm: Make notes on criticism about The Spanish Tragedy
- 1- 1.30 pm: Lunch break
- 1.30- 3.30 pm: Read Confessions of a Justified Sinner ... and that's as far as my list got.
But, what I actually did today was:
- 9- 11 am: Watch last night's episode of Glee (because although it's really annoying, it's also addictive to watch)
- 11- 4pm: Procrastinate on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and send a few relevant emails, whilst also watching a dvd.
- I literally can't remember what happened from 4 pm onwards. I think I watched Made in Chelsea during that time (and yes, although I'm ashamed to admit I watch it, it's so addictive and I don't know why...)
So I procrastinated again. It sounds like I had a relapse or something. Maybe there should be some kind of support group.
The internet is a dangerous place. There's so many things to distract you. If it's not watching things online, it's Tumblr or internet shopping, and internet shopping is dangerous, because they have that page that says "Recommended for You", and you know from the moment you click on that link that you are going to be spending a lot of money on things you just don't really need. Well, I say "need". I think everyone "needs" an anthology of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's works... (yes, I am an English geek!) and the dvds of Sherlock that are discounted if you purchase all three items together. Oh, and then there's that bracelet I forgot about on my Wish List. Oh, and I totally forgot about that folder I wanted to buy. And look, that folder comes discounted if you buy that bag! Bargain.
And then if you are anything like me, you look at your "Basket", and you look at how much you've just spent, and if you are a student, you inwardly cry at your shrinking bank balance; although an outward expression of woe is perfectly acceptable. But it was worth it right? Because all those items are going to be a lot cheaper than if you had bought them in the shop! So really you are saving money! Moneyexpert.com, who needs them?! I mean, everything you bought was essential to you right? Therefore, you spent your time wisely! :) Like I said, the internet is dangerous! :)
But I've become increasingly aware that recently I seem to be spending more money on things I don't particularly need, rather than sharing what I already have with other people. It's great to have things, and I am personally thankful to God for everything I have got! I have so much already, do I really need to buy that new *insert item here*? Or can I maybe spend my money wisely...? Like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having money and enjoying spending it and being thankful that we have things! And I'm sure I will continue to buy things I like! I'm only concerned with the attitude of selfishness that could follow with me becoming too self absorbed in what I want.
This video really affected me. It really challenged me about being so absorbed in the "need-want-have" culture. These guys don't have the choice or the "luxury" of being in the "need-want-have" culture. They're perpetually stuck in the "need food and water and health care to survive but can't afford it" culture.
So, I've done this blogging thing before. Well, at least I tried at the beginning of my first term of uni, but things got very hectic very quickly, and because too much stuff was happening in such a short space of time, I was finding it hard to write it all down. But now I've decided to try again, and I'm hoping that this time I'll be more successful. I should be revising for my exam, but it seems I'm doing this. The photo on the left is another example of a way in which I have been actively procrastinating and avoiding revision. Ah well, my wall looks more exciting anyway :)
I'm not even sure what to write as a first post. The writer in me is saying "Make it as eye catching and exciting as possible!" My lecturers are always telling me that the first sentence or the first paragraph to any piece of writing has to grip the reader and want them to read on, and I totally get their point. Many a time I've read a book or an article or an essay, and the first paragraph or the first page has been so dull that I've had to put it down. I've convinced myself that my brief synopsis of the first page has told me everything I need to know about that bit of literature. It's dull. It's rubbish. It's so bad I don't even know how it got published! It doesn't have to be a book. It could be a film or television programme or song. Maybe you recognise that you've done that yourself. Maybe even recently. And maybe even when someone asks us about that book/article/film, you have a joke about it with them: "It was so bad that I just had to switch channels!" or "I watched it for five seconds and it made me cringe!" I've done that. In fact, I think I did that today!
Don't get me wrong, there are things which justify a response whereby you put down a book or switch off the television, because they are deeply inappropriate, but that isn't what I'm getting at. What I'm really concerned about is the initial judgments that we all make (I am no exception to this!) about stuff. So let's go back to the book. I am an English literature student after all!
You've read the page and made a judgment about the entire book. The beginning was rubbish so the rest will "logically" follow suit. Now that is one massive judgment. You have no idea whether the plot of the story was intellectually challenging. You have no idea whether the plot was emotional or funny. You've just read the first page and decided that you know all there is to know.
Now this sounds a lot like that old cliche "don't judge a book by its cover." I don't mean it to be. In fact when I started this post, I literally had no idea what I was going to say!
But let's go back to that cliche we all know so well. It genuinely worries me that it has become a cliche. Cliches are usually considered as cheesy or lame or ridiculous or humorous, but I don't think that there is anything cheesy or lame or ridiculous or humorous about someone aiming to resist passing judgment on to someone or something. We've become so used to this old saying, but to what extent are we actually listening to what it is saying? I sometimes find it terrifyingly easy to pass judgment on someone or something, and the worst bit is that some of the time I try and justify my judgment. I'll watch one of the many talent shows on television and come across a person, who in my opinion is badly dressed, cringeworthy and an embarrassment. I'll laugh at them with the people around me. And it's "okay" because it's on television. These shows encourage humiliation and we do exactly what they want us to. This is the world we live in.
What I fail to remember is that these people are just like me, and I am in no position to judge anyone. I have done my fair share of stupid things and I'm only twenty years old. There is a whole lifetime ahead of me to screw up and humiliate myself! Jesus says in Matthew 7:1-3, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Whether you are a Christian or not, I think Jesus's message is worth listening to. It's very humbling and shocking when we realise just how much we fail in this, and how often we set ourselves up as "worthy" judges. I know that I hate being judged by someone. I get annoyed that someone assumes that they "know" me at a first glance and that it gives them a right to dish out a character evaluation. And yet how often do we do the same? Scary huh?
Unfortunately, we live in a culture where people's misfortunes and public humiliation is regarded as worthy and entertaining humour. We live in a world where we take a look at a person or have a short conversation with them and we think we "know" them. This is the culture that we live in. I'm certainly striving for God to humble me in this area.This is the world future generations are going to live in, and I don't know about you, but this really worries me.
As first posts go, this is pretty serious and extremely long! The next one will be shorter. I hope!
x
